Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Pat Robertson Gets $50 Million Wrist Slap

[Found this lying around from last January. Still seems topical. - HAC]

Pat Robertson is a good shabazz goy, usually, but every now and then he shows indications that he doesn't get it. Protestant Evangelicalism was put on earth to serve the Jews, just like everything and everyone else was put here to serve the Jews, and not vice versa. Recently the Chosen Ones had to rap Robertson firmly on the knuckles with a ruler. Or rather, on his wallet, which hurt the blow-dried bird-brain much worse.

Israel is pulling out of a $50 million deal with US TV evangelist Pat Robertson after he said Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine retribution for Sharon's purely military decision to pull out of Gaza, which had become no longer defensible and which was draining even the almost limitless U. S. taxpayer-provided funds of the Israel Defense Force dry.

Robertson was planning on building a Heritage USA style "Biblical Theme Park" by the shores of the Sea of Galilee in occupied Palestine, complete with waterslide and souvenir shop. In addition to the rides it would have had a park, an auditorium, a Holy Land exhibition, (why would anyone need to pay money to see a "Holy Land Exhibition" with the real thing right outside?), outdoor amphitheaters, an information centre and a media studio for fund-raising telethons.

This monument of blasphemy was to be called Galilee World Heritage Park. The garish, Miami Beach-style resort was expected to cover nearly 35 acres (14 hectares) north-east of the Mount of Beatitudes, where Jesus is believed to have delivered the Sermon on the Mount. (It's a good thing Christ rose from his tomb on the third day, because if he hadn't he'd be rolling over in it now.)

Once the theme park was completed, all the dumb-ass overweight Amurrican evangelicals could fly halfway around the world to be relieved of their excess cash in the Holy Land itself, instead of toddling down the road to the local Six Flags.

But now the Israeli government is denying him the necessary financing and building permits, for the time being, at least until Robertson repents and crawls on his knees to Yehudi. (The Jews call this doing T'Shuvah, the ritual groveling of a Gentile begging the hebes' forgiveness for real or imagined transgressions.) Tourism Ministry spokesman Ido Hartuv said Israel would not sign a contract with Mr Robertson to build his new Temple of Mammon, possibly on the site of one of the real things from past epochs.

The irony is, Robertson's assertion that Sharon's paralyzing stroke may be the Almighty's way of finally getting a grip on the vicious old fat man, may actually be one of the few Biblically or theologically valid pronouncements Robertson has ever made. No doubt after a suitable period of sackcloth and ashes and revolting kissage of kosher tush, Robertson will get his land and his permits. After all, there are shekels to be made, literally. (The Israeli currency unit is called the shekel.)

Jay Leno, a popular US Late night talk show host said the other night that Pat Robertson had been diagnosed with prostrate cancer. Leno quipped that was God's retribution for Pat Robertson "for being a pain in the ass."


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