The Vietnamese Invaders
A few of you know that I was having trouble with a pair of Vietnamese immigrants that moved near me and started up a fly-by-night chicken farm. Ignoring the laws regarding animal cruelty and sanitation, they set up a genuine Viet Cong poultry ranch.
That means no running water, no septic system or waste disposal system for the birds, no electricity, no air conditioning and no heating. So the birds died by the thousands from either being broiled alive in the Oklahoma summers or frozen to death in our deadly winters.
The dead chickens were thrown on a huge pile to rot, and the flies they bred were legendary. Every home within five miles of their filthy place was inundated by monster hordes of flies. I'm talking billions of flies, not thousands. If I stuck my arms out the little bastards would have flown off with me.
There is nothing nastier than a stinking Vietnamese, not even a wetback, and that's saying something.
Every one of their neighbors were ready to form a lynch mob. The damned flies got so bad that you couldn't open a door or window without a wall of the little flying cockroaches zipping in and landing on everything..especially dinner. And if that weren't bad enough, the dogs in the area started to suddenly vanish. Well, those of us that had served in Nam' knew that those little brown bastards just loved fried Fido. In fact it was a common sight in California courts where some chink was being sued and\or prosecuted for chowing down on granny's foo-foo dog. Seems the little SOBs like to steal them by baiting them with a bit of meat, then taking them home and plopping them in the pot. Thousands of mutts vanish regularly wherever they move in, but most of the time they're too sly to get caught at it. Sometimes it's the chinks that vanish..Haw!
In any event, these particular chinks made a crucial mistake. They got too confident. That's when my brother and I went digging around on the property across the dirt road from their place. We finally found a large pile of dog bones! There were at least a dozen white skulls of various breeds, all the types that had gone missing. But the really sickening part were the gnaw marks on the bones. Ugh!
We went to the local cops, but they were too afraid of violating their civil rights to arrest them. Well, as you might have guessed by now, I'd had enough. Those damned chinks were going...one way or the other.
Next I called Tyson Chicken on their asses. They just hate these independent chicken farmers and will sue them clean out of business for this law or that, and they have a whole bank of lawyers for just such stuff.
Then I called the local ASPCA on them, who sent out a continual stream of animal loving fanatics to harass them.. Hawww! You should have seen the uproar when I showed them the pile of bones! HAWWWW!!!! For a while it looked like chink was on the menu!
But I wasn't done with those bastards yet, oh no! Next I called in the federal Fish and Game Dept. They ate those muds alive and shut them down until they got that mess up to code.
You'd think I was satisfied...right? Wrong! Those pricks had snubbed their noses at me and even stole my sister's dog right in front of our place, just to show us. Well, needless to say, I got the dog back..in person..lol. When I arrived they were setting up for a special bar-b-que. When I left however, they were nursing a whole lotta lumps and bruises instead..HAWW! Suddenly the flies started dying off and within the space of only three weeks they were gone completely. I can't remember the last time I saw a fly here.
The best part however, was seeing those weasels driving a great big U-Haul truck out of their place. It's been over a month now and I haven't seen a trace of a chink. Let's hope it stays that way.
Incidentally, the dogs have stopped vanishing as well.
There are parts about this story that I can't tell you about for obvious reasons, but suffice it to say that when muds come up against a pissed off white man, it never ends well for them. Maybe they should stick to eating cabbage and rice. And while they're at it, they could go home to eat it...
-The Lone Haranguer