Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Jewish Women

[Okay, I'm a bit rushed today and tomorrow, so I'll re-post this one like I do every 18 months or so. I first posted this almost five years ago, and I re-post it regularly with slight updates, and it never fails to get dozens of comments, more than any article I post. Most of the comments come from Jewish men agreeing with me. Really, no joke. - HAC]

A friend and I were nattering on line about Jews in Hollywood, and he mentioned that while the Jewess Lauren Bacall was actually quite a fox in her Bogarting days, in later life she was a genuinely horrible-looking old yenta. This set off my standard rave about Jewish women as evidenced by their Hollywood exemplars, and it strikes me I haven't ever blogged that one.

The fact is that Jewish women really just aren't that sexually attractive on the whole. Even their own men don't find them so. This probably has something to do with the general neurosis that appears both among them and Jewish men. You'll notice that in great "classics" of Joosh literchur like Portnoy's Complaint, as well as in real life, it's always the blond Gentile woman that Sammy Glick and Portnoy and his counterparts lust after.

JAPs have a very grim reputation along that line as ugly, greedy, arrogant, self-absorbed, bitchy and repulsive in their personal habits, crazy as loons, and sexually frigid. Gina Gershon may have a certain exotic air, but you look close and you get the impression of body hair and odor.

Okay, I'll grant you, some Jewesses are pretty cute when they're in their teens, especially the Hollywood variety who have the benefit of the most skilled makeup artists, trainers, plastic surgeons, and cosmetologists in the world. But when they hit about age 21 they start to get porky, misproportioned, saggy-titted and camel-faced really quick.

Good example #1, Alicia Silverstone, whom I saw in some bow-wow the other day. I think her face must have been plastic-surgeried as to the nose, since that's still pretty pert. She and Michael Jackson may share the same nip-and-tucker. But I'll swear she's already had her first face lift and it still hasn't completely done in the jowls and chubby cheeks.

Despite liposucting a whole barrel of lard off her thighs and gut, she's still thick in the middle. In that Aerosmith video she did at 15 she was an incredible edible, but even by the time of Clueless she was starting to get noticeably heavy hips. Not so much a negroid buffalo butt as she's just thick in the body, a very common attribute of Jewish females. No wonder her career is in the toilet, given Hollywood's obsession with thinness.

Supposedly Alicia won't do nude scenes as a matter of principle. Well, maybe. But more likely, she can't find anyone who's interested in seeing her nekkid. Producers don't want their male audiences yelling " Put it back on! Put it all back on!"

I hear Alicia, as well as some others I won't name, are on something Hollywood unofficially refers to as the "Buchenwald Diet" (invented by a Jew doctor, of course) of 900 calories a day. Jesus, imagine being a millionaire many times over and having to live on a "Buchenwald diet?" Even movie stars have their crosses to bear, it would seem.

Good example #2: Mila Kunis. Ukrainian Jew, born in Kiev in 1983. During her first couple of seasons of That 70s Show (she more or less stole the part by lying about her age; she was 14 when she tried out) I will grant you, she was cute as a cut-button in a black-haired gypsy kind of way. It didn't last. I saw her last night doing an interview about Family Guy (she does the voice of Meg.) Either she did it without makeup, or else someone on the set really screwed up, because she looked like a hag.

She's 26 now and her face is really going Golda Meir, lips thickening, first crow's feet appearing, cheeks starting to sag, hair lank and rough-looking, and her skin is really dark--you can tell she's got a lot of Tatar in her, like Lenin did. Mila's small-boned and short enough so she won't have the blowsy, tit-sagging Jewess look as she gets older. She'll have the small, hard, brown Jewess look, if you get my drift, the one that reminds you that Jews are an Asiatic people. She could play Gina Gershon's daughter, easy.

Final example, lest this turn into a Hollywood gossip column: Natalie Portman. Israeli. At age 13 in The Professional she was a charming, impish little waif. She's 27 now, going on about 42, on a good day.

I caught her in the The Other Boleyn Girl, and she's headed straight for Yenta City. Face rounding, cheeks and lips swelling, nose flaring into the classic Hebrew 6-shape, typical Jewish camel-face heading her way like an oncoming train. She better start making appointments with some of those Beverly Hills plastic surgeons pretty soon or she won't be able to get any parts besides Yiddishe mamas.

Speaking of which, you want to see the result of a Jewess trying to stay Aryan-looking and marketable thereby? Jane Seymour, nee Wilhelmina Frankenberg. She damned sure ain't no Bond Girl no more. She's had so much facial surgery and strategic botox the skin is stretched across her cheeks and the side of her skull tight as a drum, to where it looks about to split and her nose looks almost like it will start to melt like a candle, like Michael Jackson's.

In desperation she finally agreed to do a topless scene in The Wedding Crashers and supposedly she had to have a kind of botox support system surgically installed to get her sagging Yiddishe udders up off her waist. Hmm...maybe I could make it as a Hollywood gossip columnist...

Seriously, though, in the sheer beauty department, none of these JAPs can hold a candle to Jennifer Aniston, Meg Ryan, Drew Barrymore, Reese Witherspoon, Kirsten Dunst, Dominique Swain, or even the trashed-out Lindsay Lohan.

Okay, granted that morality-wise Hollywood corrupts the whole lot of them, and I'm certainly not claiming your average Gentile actress is someone you'd want to bring home to mother. But look at your big Jew producers and directors and studio heads--and who they choose to marry for their trophy wives when they can afford it, as they can. Maybe Jewish men know something about Jewish women we don't.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Jane Seymour, nee Wilhelmina Frankenberg. She damned sure ain't no Bond Girl no more. She's had so much facial surgery and strategic botox the skin is stretched across her cheeks and the side of her skull tight as a drum, to where it looks about to split and her nose looks almost like it will start to melt like a candle..."

Most of the ones you mentioned look like they're pulling 9 G's in a MiG-29 or F-15. G-force face to the max.

Dave 02222011 / 1045

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Jewish Guy said...

Jewish girls are all deranged sluts. I know because my parents keep trying to set me up on dates with them.

10:27 AM  
Anonymous Sheldon L. said...

Hey, even a blind pig can find an acorn every now and then, and you got this one pegged. Jew biddies are crazy and fucked up and nobody wants to get involved with them, including Jew guys. Especially Jew guys.

1:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I made the mistake of dating a Jewish woman once. Never again. Crazy as a fucking loon and wanted to do things in bed that made me want to vomit.

3:54 PM  
Anonymous Kinky Friedman, Texas Jewboy said...

I can't say that I have ever seen a truly attractive Jewess. There's always something a little bit feral and monkey-like about them, or fat and sloppy and hawg-ish.

8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

natali portman she indeed did the nose job

and ohh one more thimg about m,ila kunis
SHE LOOKS LIKE AN UGLY HAG SHE ALWAYS LOOKED LIKE A HAG SHE IS SACRY AND MASCULAR LOOKING SHE LOOKS LIKE AN UGLY WITCH SHE LOOKS LIKE A HAG FROM CHILDRENS TALES EVEN MAKE UP CANNOT SAVE HER SHE IS EVER MORE HIDEOUS NOW THAN EVER BEFORE

7:51 AM  
Blogger fOOgAzEE said...

This topic is hilarious. I'm a southern Italian and about half of us have Middle Eastern/Arabian blood. We often joke about who has the Jewish/Hebrew blood, especially when it comes to our physical appearance as we age. LOL

6:35 AM  

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