Classic HAC: The Bailout Made Simple
[Some Classic HAC from September, 2008 - lest we forget the glories of Republican rule. Did I nail it back then, or what? - HAC]
For those of you who are confused by what's going on with the Big Bailout, let me simplify all this for you:
*The bankers get $700 billion dollars. You get nothing.
*The bankers screwed up, and either lost your money or else simply stole it outright and fled to Israel with it. You paid your mortgage regularly and worked all your life to work up a little nest egg. The bankers get a pat on the back from the government with a comforting "Don't sweat it. I got this." You and your family get sodomized without benefit of vaseline, for the rest of your lives, which is how long the effects of this month will last.
*The bankers get to keep their immense wealth. You get to keep nothing.
*The bankers will continue to live in their huge mansions in the Hamptons, and their Central Park condos and their vacation homes on Maui. You lose your home and end up in a single-wide mobile home in a trailer park, if you're lucky, and under a bridge if you're not.
*The bankers will keep their jobs, or leave them with multi-million dollar golden parachutes to take a seat on the board of some other bank, just for something to do between golf games. You lose your job and will not be able to get another, because you are too old, too White, and too male.
*The bankers will spend the rest of their lives laughing at you over their cocktails at the country club. You and your family will be spending the rest of your lives screaming in horror and weeping in despair.
*There are an estimated 160 million privately owned firearms in this country. You will not have the physical courage to pick up a single one of them.