The Democrats' "Stimulus" Explained
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.
Q. How much will my Economic Stimulus Payment be?
A. Two, three hundred dollars max.
Q. Out of $900 billion, hell almost a trillion dollars? Where is the bulk of the stimulus package going?
A. Well, mostly to the same banks and financial institutions controlled by Jews who caused the mess in the first place. A lot of it, however, is going to extend government power over your life and for Democratic pork projects. Some will go to beefing up the FBI, DHS, and other secret police agencies who spy on Americans without warrants, torture prisoners or send them to secret foreign prisons to be tortured, and arrest people like Bill White for posting things the government doesn't like on the internet.
Some of it is going for "education" (read shoveled into the maw of the Democrats' favorite big union, the NEA.) Some of it will be going to government bureaucrats to buy new Mercedes Benz cars for them to ride around in, thus stimulating the economy of Germany. Some of it will be going to fuel and man and maintain Queen Nancy Pelosi's private jet. A lot of it will be going to give a government job with a bloated salary to anyone who ever worked for the Clinton administration except for Monica Lewinsky, which I suppose is creating employment of a sort. Plus all the gay and lesbian centers and rape crisis centers around the country which will need to be staffed by $70,000 per year government employees.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China. If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Qaeda
If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea.
If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India.
If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan.
If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria.
And none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, domestic beer, or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.