Bush And Cheney Banned From GOP Convention

Will wonders never cease? At the eleventh hour, the Republican Party is finally showing some signs of life and a little bit of actual political cop-on. Mr. Potato Head must be under new management.

First, it was picking a Veep candidate with tits on her in order to gather up the Sea Hag's hysterical harpies and upstage Obama's Greek Temple dog and pony show. That was a smooth one. Now they're dumping Bush, or at least hiding him away in the closet. Officially, Bush is staying away from the convention in order to "monitor the situation" and supervise the cleanup after Gustav, and if he can manage to look Presidential and leave the actual work to professionals who know what they are doing, he can recover some of his lost image while his party confabulates in St. Paul. (Remember, Americans can remember as far back as ten minutes ago, on a good day. One good-looking Gustav moment now cancels out one huge Katrina cock-up three years ago.)

Based on public opinion polls, Jug-Ears and Cheney are the most unpopular political duo in the history of the United States. Bush says he will monitor the storm from Texas; why Jug-Ears won't do it from New Orleans itself probably has something to do with the same yellow streak down his back which kept him in the Texas Air National Guard and AWOL during the Vietnam war.

Republican convention officials suggested he do some sound bytes from New Orleans during the storm, in order to repair his image from Katrina. It has been supposedly suggested as well that Bush should stand on the beach as the storm rolls. "If the storm blew Bush and Cheney away, a lot of our problems would be solved" one Republican politician is alleged to have said.