Settling The Score With The Goldsteins
Yes, I know, Mr. Goldstein, I've heard all about it.
I've heard all about the Holocaust, when 6 million or 6 billion or 6 trillion or 6 gazillion–or however many Jews you want–were murdered by mean old Hitler. I've heard all about the diary of Anne Frank, the Jewish girl who died in a German concentration camp during World War II. I've heard all about your people's persecution in Russia. I've heard all about how your people have been despised and oppressed all over the world.
Yes, I know, I know! You don't need to remind me again that for nearly two thousand years you have been without a country. How could I possibly forget these things? You and your paid liars never get tired of screaming insensibly about all the inhuman crimes that have been committed against the Jews.
About the only thing we ever hear these days is that your people, the Jews, have suffered horribly throughout history and that we (the non-Jews) must make amends with you in every way possible.Well, Mr. Goldstein, here in the United States of America, we have done everything within our power to pay you back. I don't know what else you could possibly want.
We helped you acquire your own country. We stood by silently while you murdered hundreds of innocent Palestinian civilians at Deir Yassin, so that your desire to have a country of your own could be fulfilled. We send ten billion dollars of American tax money to Israel every year, even though America is already in debt up to her eyebrows.
We are constantly hiring some blabbermouth to rant and rave to America about God's Chosen People and how they have always been under attack and how we must rescue them from "all the Hitlers of the world". We are never finished hearing about your precious Holocaust, since it seems that you would never be able to exist without it. You are the kings of this country. We have licked your boots for so long that you don't have any boots left…
So now, Mr. Goldstein, please tell me, because I am dying of curiosity to know: what it is that you want?
What more can we possibly do for you? How can you still be unhappy with the way you are treated?
Do you think you are the only group of people that has ever suffered? That is one of the most conceited things I have ever heard. Very typical of you, though. I cannot pretend to be shocked or even mildly surprised at this idea. It is just too typical. After all, don't you also view yourselves as a superior race? Don't you call the rest of us non-Jews goyim or cattle?
You really are the most self-centered group of people there has ever been. Therefore, I really can't be surprised that you would entertain the absurd idea that the Jewish people are the only sufferers in the world. Or at least, that their suffering is the only suffering that truly counts. 66 million Russians died during and after the Bolshevik Revolution. However, nobody seems to feel any sort of special obligation to the Russians the way they do for your 6 million.
I have always been horrible at math, but it is unquestionable even in my mind that Russia's 66 million greatly overshadows your 6 million. But never mind that, Mr. Goldstein. The Russians really don't matter that much. What we need to concentrate on is how many other things we should be doing for you.
Now come on, just tell me. What do you want? What can we do that will make you happy? If there is anything that we have not already done for you, tell me what it is, and we'll be sure to do it right away. If you were anyone else, I would encourage you not to be shy in making your demand, but as I have never known you to be short on boldness or nerve, I see no point in warning you against what you yourself would never even think of doing. So go ahead, shoot. Tell me what we have not yet done for you. Go ahead, I'm listening.
Oh, my goodness, Mr. Goldstein, you make me laugh! No, no! I heard you perfectly! You don't need to keep screaming it over and over again. I heard you. You said that the thing you want is for us to submit our very beings to you. In short, become your slaves. (You see? I knew I didn't need to worry about any shyness on your part!)
You say we have not become your slaves? Who do you think you are trying to fool? We are your slaves. We have been for years! Only slaves would bow to your every wish the way we have. Was I not clear when I said earlier that we have been licking your boots for so long that you don't even have any boots left?
Yeah, okay then. We'll buy you a new pair of boots since we have apparently wronged you by licking them off. What?! You want them made out of solid diamond?! We can't afford that! How about we just get a pair of sneakers from the thrift store? Oh, okay, never mind, never mind! We'll get you the diamond. Your wish is our command.
But boy, oh, boy! I just can't get over what you said about us not being your slaves! In fact, I can't stop laughing. Now, please, Mr. Goldstein, please, will you stop screaming like that? You are a somewhat disturbing spectacle with that blood vessel popping out of your neck, your mouth covered in froth and your eyes bulging two inches out of your head. Calm down! It really isn't good for your health to throw these violent temper tantrums.
All right. Now that you have finally gotten yourself under control, perhaps you can rationally answer the question that I am about to ask you. Ready?
Okay, then; is it possible (in your mind, at least) that the Jews have suffered so much that we gentiles will never be able to repay you? Will we never be able to refill the great hole of your suffering? Will you never be satisfied with our efforts to appease you?I heard you answer in the affirmative.
Well, I must admit that I am glad to know that. Since we now know that you can never be happy–that despite the whole world's concentrated efforts, it is impossible to ever repay you, and that making you happy is a flat impossibility, maybe we can turn our attention over to another subject.
Maybe since what we have been trying to accomplish all these years is utterly impossible, we can just forget it and focus on what is possible. I am only being reasonable, Mr. Goldstein, when I ask what are you going to do to repay us for all the suffering that you have caused?
How are you going to repay all the Palestinians whose land you stole and whose children you have been murdering for over half a century? How are you going to repay the millions of babies that you have murdered in abortion clinics? How are you going to repay the families of the thousands of Americans who died on September 11th?
How are you going to repay the Iraqis for destroying their country? How are you going to repay the families of the American soldiers who have died in Iraq? How are you going to repay the Lebanese for ruining their country? How are you going to repay all those who suffer under communism, which is another invention of yours?
How are you going to repay the Muslims for all the lies that you have told about them? How are you going to repay all the Christians that you martyred when Christianity was still new?
You're speechless, Mr. Goldstein, but I can read your answer in the hatred of your eyes. You will never try to repay us for the suffering that you have caused. You will never even apologize. And what is more you will continue to treat us Gentiles in this inhuman and merciless manner. You will never voluntarily stop. You will never attempt in any manner to repay us.
But that's alright, don't worry, we'll repay you. We will repay you for every injustice that you have caused. We will repay you for every drop of innocent blood that you have spilled, and it is possible to do so. Just wait and see, you will be served justice one day.
A very wise, just, merciful man from Nazareth whom you also killed once said to your leaders "Upon you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on Earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zachariah." I have never doubted His words. He always knew what He was talking about.
I will not try to convert you, Mr. Goldstein, because I know that it is impossible. Remember, that we are now focusing on possibilities.
So, since you refuse to become a human being by leaving your primitive, savage way of thinking, I will only warn you. Of course, you will not listen to me, but I will do it anyway. I warn you that things are going to be changing. You will be experiencing justice for the 1st time in your life.
There is a day coming when humanity will get sick of being treated like animals. They are going to find out why they have suffered so much. They are going to be angry. And guess what? You are going to be the object of their rage. You are going to get a triple-dose of your own medicine, which ought to please you, since you always want more of anything than anyone else has. You are going to discover how human beings act when they see a glimmer of hope after being beaten down all their lives.
There, I have now told you what to expect one day. Now when it happens, you won't be able to rant, rave, scream, kick, holler, howl and screech about how it isn't fair because nobody every warned you.
Well, Mr. Goldstein, I am sure that you do not like my tone. I can see that by the blood vessel in your neck that has finally burst that you do not like what I am saying at all.
But considering every injustice that you have caused, every suffering that you have aided, all the innocent blood that you have spilled, I would say that this is merely a feeble attempt of mine to settle the score between us. I don't see why you are so furious with me.
After all, I am only trying to pay you back. Isn't that the very thing that you have wanted for so many years?
sglenn @ crescentandcross.com